Dear Family:

My hold on sanity gets more precarious every day.
Fuck off and quit calling me. I don't want to talk to you right now.

No love,

The sibling that quite happily disappeared into the maw that is BCS

Dear Mom,

Actions speak louder than words. And certainly louder than "mushy but true" valentine's cards about how I'm a "wonderful daughter."

Especially when it's given the day before you drive your middle child and hour and back to the mall when your oldest is still wondering how to pay for four new tires, vehicle reg, *and* vehicle inspection, with pretty much no help from you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the card's from Wal-mart, and the sentiment is, too.

Just fuck you, Mom. Fuck you. If you thought it would cheer me up, well, you were completely and utterly fucking wrong. I've been threatening to burst into tears since I got it.

At least I still have a fucking job. Both of them, in fact. Even if my downstairs neighbor is better at being a mom right now than you are.

Fuck you,

Your daughter.

So two months ago I told my mother that I would need two new tires for the Roach. In fact, I expressed the desire to have them as a Christmas/birthday gift.

I reminded her of this last week. Now I need all four replaced, before the inspection comes up in Feburary.

Her answer was to give me less than half of what I need and tell me I need to pay for the rest myself.

This is AFTER she went and spent a hundred bucks on useless baby shit, like rugs and lamps and valences for the damn thing's room.

I get to kiss my savings goodbye. I was saving that for the move out of here. You know, paying for the new apartment, covering expenses in case there's a lapse in work, etc, etc.

I'm so pissed right now I can hardly see straight. More than that, it fucking HURTS. I really do feel betrayed. The fact that a lamp, a rug, and window dressings for a creature who doesn't give a fuck about any of these things is more important than helping me pay for something I actually FUCKING NEED.

I'm going to try and make a few jewelry pieces to sell. That's really the only thing I can think of to do to try and recoup. This stupid shit is going to set the savings back three months. And a lot of that was from me selling books, dead shit, jewelry, etc. Stuff I don't have lying around anymore to sell again.

And let's not discuss the fact that if the swelling in the arm doesn't go down, I'm supposed to go visit the doctor.

I guess since I'm out of the house now I don't matter anymore. This is the one fucking thing I've asked for in probably the past two years. I don't want much, I don't need much. I told her TWO FUCKING MONTHS ago that I would need new tires soon.

But apparently I'm just paying second fiddle to my precious sister and her spawn.

I'm *supposed* to get tomorrow off since I had to work Tuesday. We'll see. I thought I had Tuesday off until K. knocked on my door just as I was stepping out of the shower. HAVING COWORKERS FOR NEIGHBORS IS ANNOYING SOMETIMES.

And I'm not looking forward to next week. Since I can't take off from TPS for my birthday, there's no reason for me to take off from the pizza place, so I'm working 12 hours both Friday and Saturday, as per usual. So I basically intend to spend my half day off on Sunday ALONE doing absolutely nothing of importance, which will drive my sister up the wall. She's a cards-dinner-and-family-time birthday person. I'm a hide-from-the-world birthday person. The fact that I will not have the time or the inclination to actually celebrate my 24th birthday is probably going to result in a fight. And my mother will probably say I'm 25 now. She gets even me confused.

And I don't want anything. Except maybe my pet deposit paid or a bigger aquarium. Or a strawberry daiquiri. I'll take a daiquiri.

Sooo...TAMU finally reimbursed me for the Open House table I bought for the PSA.

They sent the check to Mom's. Mom saw that it was from TAMU, opened it, found it to be a check, and deposited it into my account.

I didn't think anything of it until I went back and discovered that yes, the check stub does indeed say in big, bold letters, "PAGAN STUDENT ASSOCIATION."

Thanks, TAMU, that was really sweet of you.

Mom didn't say anything. I'm wondering if that's because she didn't notice, or if she just doesn't care. I'm hoping it's the latter, but still...being outed against your will sucks. Especially since this is the /second/ time, and the first time I was almost disowned.

Once again, thanks, TAMU. Even though it's really not their fault. If anyone is to blame, it would be my mother. Or possibly me, as I did not think to check to see which address it was going to.

***

And another thank you at TAMU. I just took their "Creating a Discrimination-Free Workplace" employee training thing. No mention of sexual orientation or gender identity/presentation. Nice to know I can be fired for being queer on both counts. Real reassuring.